Science proves why you fall in and out of love

Posted by Unknown On Friday, April 5, 2013 0 comments
IVAN and Chris met 10 years ago on the tennis court. It's a story that Ivan loves to share because it's the same way his parents met decades before. "My parents were competitive players. I was not gifted with their talent. I was playing social tennis at the local courts and, while I was playing, I looked across and saw Chris for the first time. He was covering the court with great ability, but missing the occasional shot where he'd loudly swear (nothing too rough), but with the most beautiful smile on his face, clearly enjoying the day. It was at that point that I fell in love," he says.
Today the couple, now married, is living together. Having survived some early acceptance issues from their extended families, they are now preparing to become foster parents.
"I think life is more complex now, like most people. We have more commitments and responsibilities. I think our relationship is far broader than what it once was. In the earlier years it was mostly about Chris and I. Now our relationship has expanded to include our respective families and our lives are constantly intertwined," he said.
Alison and Glen found love at the pub. They were both in their twenties, he thought she was gorgeous and she was intrigued by his casual outfit. "It was like he felt he didn't have to try hard," Alison says.
Today as parents to two young children they rarely go out anymore. Watching a movie with a glass of wine is a highlight, along with the chats in the car when they're driving between weekend activities.
"We are friends, we're still attracted to each other and we make each other laugh. We tell each other anything and everything. Trust, respect, similar morals, and humour have helped us to grow together as a couple and adjust to the family dynamic," she says.
Adam and Clare met 10 months ago. Now they're living together in a share house with a flatmate. Clare tells news.com.au that she has never felt happier.
"My life has completely changed. I have gone from being very independent, just taking care of myself to my first thought being my partner, wanting to do everything for him, take care of him. Also I have changed where I live, my job. Big, big changes in the last 10 months," she said.
As relationships go, Charli and David are right at the beginning, having met just 10 weeks ago. Both in their early twenties, they met through mutual friends.
"When I first met him I knew something was there I couldn't describe it! We both knew we wanted to know more about each other. I went through a really bad relationship and he's showed me there are still good men out there," said Charli.
So why are we telling you all of this?
Well, it's a bit of experiment to find out what impact time has on love and relationships. Does the longer you are together mean you are more likely to fall out of the romantic love stage?
According to Melbourne psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack life and love is never cut-and-dried, but humans in relationships do experience certain hormonal responses that account for the fluctuation in intensity of feelings.
"I sound like a real psychologist don't I, but it's true," said McCormack. "When we first meet someone our hormones and olfactory senses are activated which makes us think about that person all the time. As time goes on, these chemicals begin to wear off and normally that coincides with the realities of life kicking in.
"Also, stresses like work, money and saving all those kinds of things begin to take precedence and the relationships fall by the wayside."
New couples Clare & Adam and Charli & David are both snug in the honeymoon period, which apparently lasts around two to three months.
Clare says: "We are still very lovey dovey, everything is still new and refreshing. I will try and make the honeymoon period last as long as possible, we do lots of little surprises for each other to try and keep the spark we had when we first met going," she says.
But long termers, Ivan & Chris and Alison & Glenn also tell news.com.au that while life has changed a lot since they first met, they still share a spark and enjoy each other's company.
Alison says: "When we first met we loved going to the football, and staying out with friends till three in the morning. Now, we like hanging out at home, watching a movie... once you have kids, just quiet time together to chat or ‘just be' is nice."
This contentment is a good sign, according to Dr Melissa Keogh, who says some relationships defy the odds and get better with time.
"It comes down to why you were drawn together in the first place. If you were in love with person, or in love with the idea of them loving you. This is a very common misconception that a lot of people get wrong," she says.
But what can you do to keep your love feelings intact as time and life gets in the way?
All the couples news.com.au interviewed used words like respect, talking and sense of humour when speaking about the "glue" that holds their relationships together.
Clinical psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack says there are four main things she advises couples to keep an eye on, the longer they stick together.
1.Spend regular quality time together "It doesn't have to be long but it must be time that is dedicated to just talking to one other, making eye contact. Avoid discussing any contentious issues and stick to positive and neutral kind of subjects," she said.
2.Touch is vital Hold hands, kiss and give each other a full body hug every day. Touch stimulates chemicals that prevent heart attacks and generally make you feel happier. It brings you closer together.
3.Air your grievances before they get too big Don't dwell on problems, talk about them with your partner while they are still small. Be respectful and polite and you'll avoid major blow ups later on.
4.Never underestimate the power of surprise Do something for your partner that shows you've been thinking about them. Buy them flowers, do the dishes, rub their feet, run a bath. Whatever it takes, do it with sincerity, just to show them you love them.

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