IVAN and Chris met 10 years ago on
the tennis court. It's a story that Ivan loves to share because it's the
same way his parents met decades before.
"My parents were competitive players. I was not gifted with their
talent. I was playing social tennis at the local courts and, while I was
playing, I looked across and saw Chris for the first time. He was
covering the court with great ability, but missing the occasional shot
where he'd loudly swear (nothing too rough), but with the most beautiful
smile on his face, clearly enjoying the day. It was at that point that I
fell in love," he says.
Today the couple, now married, is living
together. Having survived some early acceptance issues from their
extended families, they are now preparing to become foster parents.
"I
think life is more complex now, like most people. We have more
commitments and responsibilities. I think our relationship is far
broader than what it once was. In the earlier years it was mostly about
Chris and I. Now our relationship has expanded to include our respective
families and our lives are constantly intertwined," he said.
Alison and Glen found love at the pub. They were both in their
twenties, he thought she was gorgeous and she was intrigued by his
casual outfit. "It was like he felt he didn't have to try hard," Alison
says.
Today as parents to two young children they rarely go out
anymore. Watching a movie with a glass of wine is a highlight, along
with the chats in the car when they're driving between weekend
activities.
"We are friends, we're still attracted to each other and we make each
other laugh. We tell each other anything and everything. Trust,
respect, similar morals, and humour have helped us to grow together as a
couple and adjust to the family dynamic," she says.
Adam and
Clare met 10 months ago. Now they're living together in a share house
with a flatmate. Clare tells news.com.au that she has never felt
happier.
"My life has completely changed. I have gone from being
very independent, just taking care of myself to my first thought being
my partner, wanting to do everything for him, take care of him. Also I
have changed where I live, my job. Big, big changes in the last 10
months," she said.
As relationships go, Charli and David are right
at the beginning, having met just 10 weeks ago. Both in their early
twenties, they met through mutual friends.
"When I first met him I
knew something was there I couldn't describe it! We both knew we wanted
to know more about each other. I went through a really bad relationship
and he's showed me there are still good men out there," said Charli.
So why are we telling you all of this?
Well,
it's a bit of experiment to find out what impact time has on love and
relationships. Does the longer you are together mean you are more likely
to fall out of the romantic love stage?
According to Melbourne
psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack life and love is never cut-and-dried,
but humans in relationships do experience certain hormonal responses
that account for the fluctuation in intensity of feelings.
"I
sound like a real psychologist don't I, but it's true," said McCormack.
"When we first meet someone our hormones and olfactory senses are
activated which makes us think about that person all the time. As time
goes on, these chemicals begin to wear off and normally that coincides
with the realities of life kicking in.
"Also, stresses like work,
money and saving all those kinds of things begin to take precedence and
the relationships fall by the wayside."
New couples Clare &
Adam and Charli & David are both snug in the honeymoon period, which
apparently lasts around two to three months.
Clare says: "We are
still very lovey dovey, everything is still new and refreshing. I will
try and make the honeymoon period last as long as possible, we do lots
of little surprises for each other to try and keep the spark we had when
we first met going," she says.
But long termers, Ivan & Chris
and Alison & Glenn also tell news.com.au that while life has
changed a lot since they first met, they still share a spark and enjoy
each other's company.
Alison says: "When we first met we loved
going to the football, and staying out with friends till three in the
morning. Now, we like hanging out at home, watching a movie... once you
have kids, just quiet time together to chat or ‘just be' is nice."
This contentment is a good sign, according to Dr Melissa Keogh, who says some relationships defy the odds and get better with time.
"It
comes down to why you were drawn together in the first place. If you
were in love with person, or in love with the idea of them loving you.
This is a very common misconception that a lot of people get wrong," she
says.
But what can you do to keep your love feelings intact as time and life gets in the way?
All
the couples news.com.au interviewed used words like respect, talking
and sense of humour when speaking about the "glue" that holds their
relationships together.
Clinical psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack
says there are four main things she advises couples to keep an eye on,
the longer they stick together.
1.Spend regular quality time together
"It doesn't have to be long but it must be time that is dedicated to
just talking to one other, making eye contact. Avoid discussing any
contentious issues and stick to positive and neutral kind of subjects,"
she said.
2.Touch is vital Hold hands, kiss and
give each other a full body hug every day. Touch stimulates chemicals
that prevent heart attacks and generally make you feel happier. It
brings you closer together.
3.Air your grievances before they get too big
Don't dwell on problems, talk about them with your partner while they
are still small. Be respectful and polite and you'll avoid major blow
ups later on.
4.Never underestimate the power of surprise
Do something for your partner that shows you've been thinking about
them. Buy them flowers, do the dishes, rub their feet, run a bath.
Whatever it takes, do it with sincerity, just to show them you love
them.
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